Why is perfect bad?

17 September 2019

It is typical for a person to strive for progress - this is the law of evolution. The strongest individual survives. And if our ancestors did not develop their abilities, predators would simply eat us. So the desire to improve is understandable. However, it is worth distinguishing between attempts to be better-higher-stronger and the pursuit of the ideal. I came across this when I occupied the position of a top manager in a large company and was torn into two fronts, when I wanted to devote more time to my family, but physically I couldn’t “be ideal”. In my situation, we quickly found a way out of the situation, namely, on the weekend I stopped thinking about work at all and we introduced frequent travel practices with my family, which allowed us to spend time actively together. But where all these ideals come from in our lives and why this issue is relevant, I will tell below.

An ideal is most often something abstract that is difficult to formalize and describe. Our ancestors did not try to become ideal hunters, it was enough for them to get mammoths with minimal losses. We do not think about the principle of sufficiency, we want to be a superman.

But the ideal does not really exist. Our ideal is usually the combination of several images that we like. It would be great to be an ideal wife, as your girlfriend, your best mother, as a famous instamama, to have a successful career as a boss (childless, by the way). At the same time, look like Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and it is desirable to have a couple of degrees - it is important to constantly develop! Now think and honestly say - is it possible to combine all this in one person?

Perhaps you are thinking right now - of course it’s real, so I’m subscribed to one blogger ... Stop! In the era of Instagram, it is easy to fall into the trap and confuse a virtual image with a real one. But in beautiful shots, we see only the perfect cover, forgetting that a real person is hiding behind it. That instamama also swears at the children, the ideal wife swears at her husband, and the careerist gets tired and dreams of children. It's just that we don’t see this in social networks.

Psychologists say that often the desire to be perfect is a sign that you are not really confident in yourself. Striving for the ideal - that is, who you are definitely not right now - you actually do not accept yourself as you are. It seems to you that now you do not deserve love - that’s why I’ll lose weight / learn English / start going to the gym - and then ... And now there’s nothing to love me.

Therefore, you procrastinate, feel a breakdown, get angry at yourself and break down on loved ones. It turns out a vicious circle: to get better, you need strength, but you don’t have them, you spend energy on scandals and reflection.

Understand - it is impossible to achieve the ideal. Attempts will only lead to frustration and psychosomatic problems. But you can accept yourself as you are here and now, and then gently start working on yourself. Self-improvement is important, but it must be done with love, joy and ease. Then the way up will be simple, understandable and achievable. At the same time, moving on and getting better is really important.

The desire to become better must necessarily be based on two things: self-acceptance and a specific goal. The first is to find internal resources for change. And without a goal, it’s not clear where to go. It is also important to go to her in small steps and praise yourself for each achievement. Celebrating victory provokes the production of serotonin and dopamine - hormones of happiness that will help you move on.

And most importantly - love yourself. Because being happy is more important than ideal. And happiness is in development.